Wednesday, July 24, 2013


One of the hardest parts about infertility for me is thinking about the things my husband is missing out on by not being a father. I see him with our dogs or with other people's children, and he is just so fun. He brags about how our pups follow him around doing yard work and talks about the funny things our friends' kids do or say.

One of my earliest memories as a child was playing baseball in the front yard with my dad. We had a huge yard that was divided into three spaces: grass in the very front, then gravel in the middle, and in inner courtyard where we had out patio table that we'd use to eat at in the summer. Don't think this was a sprawling estate, by any means - the house was barely 900 square feet with the addition my parents completed, but the yard was a kid's dream. It may not be as big as I remember, but for a young child, it felt that we had so much space and plenty of room to enjoy our swing set, tree house, and sand box. We didn't want for anything, when it came to a place to play. I was a tomboy, daddy's little girl, and I got a big red bat and ball for my 4th birthday. I would pitch to my dad and he would - of course - hit the ball clear from the grass in the front all the way to the house. I would make him crawl around the bases while I ran as fast as I could to retrieve the ball. He always let me win, as daddies do. I just had do much fun playing with him. He still talks about those games in the yard - they were obviously unforgettable and special for us both.

And yet it's those memories that also break my heart. I see so many of my dad's best qualities in my husband, I can't help but be assured that Buddy would be an amazing dad, too. The bright side is, I can see him - both of us, actually - being really special and fun people in our friends' kids' lives. It's one of the things we thought of when making our decision - we could still have an impact on children in our lives without being parents. My husband may never crawl the bases in our yard with his own daughter, but I hope he can be Awesome Uncle Buddy for kids we love.

I'm linking up with Ramble Ramble's Bring Back the Words... come join us!