Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The One

Four years ago today, I married my husband. I admit I was a little scared - it's a big life decision, and no matter how much you love someone, there's something serious about the commitment of forever. I wasn't sure if I ever believed in "The One." Words like "soul mate" made me want to gag. There are six billion people on this planet, and it was hard for me to wrap my head around the literal thought that there was only one man I was meant to be with. I believed that there can be multiple people that we could cross paths with and make a happy life with, yet I knew confidently that Buddy was the person I wanted to spend our lifetime with. I was honored and thrilled to be marrying him, but I guess you can say I didn't fully "get" it.

And then infertility happened. Something that could have ripped us apart and strained our young marriage brought us closer and put us on the same word of the same paragraph of the same proverbial page. It was devastating for us, but we were a team. He was my rock, and he loved me when I fell apart and came back together again and again. We never lost sight of what we most valued - our marriage. Even now, as we move forward and enjoy life as our family of two, we are so in sync with our decisions and goals that it's hard to imagine doing any of this with any one else. Sure he drives me nuts with little things - we're both only human. But on the things that really and truly matter, we're a perfect match, moreso than I could have imagined or foreseen. I finally understand what it really means to find and love The One.

Happy Birthday, Buddy. And Happy Anniversary. I love you more and more every day, larger than I know how to express, and more fully than I can understand.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

I'm an Auntie!

Like it did for a lot of people, middle school sucked for me. Absolutely S-U-C-K-E-D. People were awful, mean, nasty, and I hated every second of my two years in that hell. High school was my new beginning. Most of the kids from my high school went to our neighborhood school, but I went to a magnet school across town. It was awesome to meet all new people. I stopped doing synchronized swimming after 4 years and decided to focus on traditional competitive swimming as a freshman, and I was great at it. I took art and dance and excelled at science. I discovered contact lenses and hair blow dryers. It was a totally new world. I made friends - people who liked me and were kind and included me at lunch and after school activities.

At the end of the school year, one of the closest friends I'd made, S, was celebrating her birthday with a sleep-over and invited me to her party. I was SO excited. She had fun friends, including people I had classes with but hadn't really had a chance to get to know. One of them was R. She was sweet, pretty, funny, well-dressed, talented in sports, confident, and popular. She was someone that I admired from afar and aspired to be perceived like.

The night of S's party, I was a little like a fish out of water. Most of the girls had gone to S's middle school and knew each other. Some knew me, others didn't. I wasn't a super girly girl, and all these girls were. They were playing with makeup and doing their hair and talking about boys. I sort of sat back and observed a lot of it, not wanting to do or say the wrong thing. Out of nowhere, R walked over to me as I was sitting on S's bed geek bopping, handed me a brush, and said "brush my hair." She crossed one foot over the other, and in one graceful move, spun and landed with her legs crossed sitting in front of me.

Uh... whuh?

I have to tell you about R's hair. It was long, blonde, and perfectly done every day. She did it straight, curly, up, down, but her bangs were perfect mid-90's glory that could have withstood a hurricane. Her hair was what I could only assume was her Thing. And she was asking me to brush it. So. I did. And it sounds weird, but we've been friends ever since. She invited me to her BBQ she was having the next day, and we were inseparable for the next 4 years.

R and I have been friends for over 17 years now. We were close all through high school, and despite going to separate colleges and settling in cities 2 hours apart, have stayed close over the years. We have that awesome kind of friendship where we may not talk constantly now as busy adults, but when we get together for lunch, it takes us a good 30 minutes before we even look at the menu, and we chat for three hours. No matter how long we're apart, we pick right back up and it's like there was no time or distance between us. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and I was her matron of honor. I was the first person she told when she found out she was expecting.

And today, she became a mom, and I became an auntie. Auntie Nerd, to be exact, honoring the nickname we've used for each other for the last 17 years. It's been a rough road for me, navigating my feelings about her pregnancy, but today, I feel nothing but joy. If I didn't have to work tomorrow, I'd be in the car on the way to our hometown to hold that baby. I am just so excited! I can't wait for all the things her daughter and I will hopefully do, see, and bake together. And although I won't connect with her as a mom, I can't wait for the next stage of our friendship.

Uh, and you should see the picture of her from just after the birth. Perfect hair. Of course.

This post is part of Ginger's Bring Back the Words. Click the link to go to the prompt and check out the other entries.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Timeline of Exhaustion

I'm almost close to passing out, I'm so tired. Last night was almost comical, so I figured I'd share how I turned from a well-rested person into a giggling maniac. It's a good thing I've reached my fun-money budget because I'd probably be ordering some crazy shit right now.

8:30PM: I fall asleep on the couch, under 3 dogs (we got a third dog, if you haven't heard)

11:30PM: Buddy wakes me up to go to bed. My body apparently feels like 3 hours was a nice little nap, I feel alive and energized, and I can't shut my brain off.

11:30-1:00AM: I think about all sorts of things. Buddy snores. I push him over every 5 minutes telling him to roll over.

1:30AM: I'm mad at my sweatpants and have to pee. I find capris to sleep in and think I can finally sleep. I shove Buddy a few more times and he finally finds a position where he's quiet enough for me to not feel like I want to punch him. I love him, I really do. But I need quiet to fall asleep.

2:00AM Paisley gets up and pukes on the floor. I get up to clean up and discover that at some point, somepuppy also peed on the carpet. The commotion stirs Buddy enough that he moves and starts up with the snoring again.

2:05AM: Buddy wakes to me standing over him saying "please roll the fuck over. I can't sleep with you snoring and a dog peed on the carpet and...."

2:06AM: I burst into tears while Buddy calms me for 22 seconds before he starts snoring again.

2:07AM: I calculate how much it would cost to replace all the carpet in the house with tile/anything but carpet.

2:13-4:45AM: At some point, I fall asleep. Sort of.

2:30AM: I'm hungry.

4:45AM: The dogs start stirring and wake me up. I lay still so they won't think I'm getting up to feed them.

5:00AM: Buddy's alarm goes off and I have to get up, too. Any possible sleep potential is flushed down the toilet and I'm officially a zombie for the day.

5:15AM: Shower, slap makeup on, I think I wore clothes.

6:45AM: I grab a pumpkin spice chai latte in a desperate attempt to make myself feel slightly awake.

Yada yada yada, boring accounting stuff...

2:30PM: I reach the point of goofiness and I'm pretty sure my new boss thinks I'm an idiot. I book a $1.4M entry backwards with the world watching. Okay, not the world, but a lot of people. People with Maseratis and stay-at-home wives. I feel glad that one of the company mandated goals in 2014 is literally "do my job," because I feel like I can crush that most days and days like this will be a wash.

2:41PM: I find out you can rotate a PDF instead of tilting your head to the side or rotating the screen. Coworkers have a good laugh at my expense, despite the fact I brought them all Munchkins yesterday. Jerks.

2:45PM: Stay-Awake Geek Bopping

At some point, I drove home.

6:57PM: Bed time, is that you?

6:58PM: I'm bored with this post, but I already wrote it, and now you will ALL suffer!

Night, peeps :)