As 2011 is drawing to a close, I find myself feeling anxious for a clean slate. I've said more than once that I just want to go to sleep and wake up next year. This year has been so sucky, and I keep daydreaming that I will wake up on January 1, 2012 and everything will be different. I know that's not actually what's going to happen, but I like to hope that as the calendar flips to a new year, I can shed some of the sadness I feel and embrace 2012 for what it is: a new start.
I feel like I'm saying good-bye to a phase of my life. I'm feeling more and more at peace with being a family with just Buddy, but I admit there are things I miss about that time: the intimacy I felt him, the discussion of baby names, the imagining of the future raising children.
At the same time, 2011 has given us closer relationships with both each other and with some of our friends and their amazing children. I feel that 2012 will be filled with wonderful things, hopefully including strong bonds with the supportive people in our lives. I hope it will also bring with it strength to continue going through this process and to be stronger as a couple because of it.
2011 was so much about devastation for me. It's been a long 6 months since June, when we first found out about my progesterone. It's been marked by tough decisions and many tears. I am optimistic that 2012 can be about hope: for a fun future, a happily married life, and prosperity for our friends and family.
Happy Holidays, everyone, and a Joyous New Year to You :)