Confessions

- You know that old wives' tale that the number of bows/ribbons you break at your bridal shower indicates how many babies you'll have? Yeah, I broke zero. At the time, I did it semi-intentionally in a "don't pressure me" act of defiance, but now it's just kind of weird.

- Sometimes, I think that maybe if we got married again, we wouldn't deal with IF again. I know it's not true, but I think it exemplifies my missing a time when this didn't weigh on our hearts. IF never crossed our minds on our wedding day, and I think I miss it for that reason (and also because it was a beautiful day).

- I've seriously considered Mirena just because then I wouldn't have the up and down of emotion each cycle. It would hopefully alleviate my PMS and also give me back some control in my life. If we're going to move on, I want to move on and have some consistency in my cycles. I'd also consider endometrial ablation along with Essure to hopefully eliminate menstruation completely at some point down the road. I feel like if my uterus isn't going to be occupied, I'm freaking done with this whole bleeding thing.

- When it comes to The Bump, I never feel like I fit in anywhere. We didn't try and fail at treatment. We're not actively TTC. We're just... done. With no IUI memories or stories of Buddy sticking me with needles or beta counts. My signature is relatively empty. I'm trying to pull away from the groups I know I don't belong to, but it's hard to just let go of all of it when there isn't another place to go where I feel I belong, no matter how welcoming everyone may be.