Surge

Today is like a surge of negative emotion. It came mostly out of nowhere and hurts from my brain, through my heart, down to my toes. It makes me want to run away - to pack up Buddy and our dogs and get as far from here as we can. I know better - I can't get away from this, as much as I may want to.

The surge is made up of sadness, anger, bitterness and jealousy. It's faceless and nameless. It makes me feel ashamed and exhausted, like my arms and head and heart are literally heavier.

The surge makes it hard to concentrate. It's hard to think of little else when the emotions are intent on pushing their way in. I don't feel much but sad and empty today. I feel acutely aware of our infertility as I see pictures of babies and bumps on Facebook, and as I hear pregnant coworkers gabbing out their registries.

I feel like no one understands today, and I can only ask for comforting and loving thoughts to be sent my way. I will get through it, and hopefully tomorrow will have me back on track, but today I feel like I need a good cry and a long nap.