Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Timeline of Exhaustion

I'm almost close to passing out, I'm so tired. Last night was almost comical, so I figured I'd share how I turned from a well-rested person into a giggling maniac. It's a good thing I've reached my fun-money budget because I'd probably be ordering some crazy shit right now.

8:30PM: I fall asleep on the couch, under 3 dogs (we got a third dog, if you haven't heard)

11:30PM: Buddy wakes me up to go to bed. My body apparently feels like 3 hours was a nice little nap, I feel alive and energized, and I can't shut my brain off.

11:30-1:00AM: I think about all sorts of things. Buddy snores. I push him over every 5 minutes telling him to roll over.

1:30AM: I'm mad at my sweatpants and have to pee. I find capris to sleep in and think I can finally sleep. I shove Buddy a few more times and he finally finds a position where he's quiet enough for me to not feel like I want to punch him. I love him, I really do. But I need quiet to fall asleep.

2:00AM Paisley gets up and pukes on the floor. I get up to clean up and discover that at some point, somepuppy also peed on the carpet. The commotion stirs Buddy enough that he moves and starts up with the snoring again.

2:05AM: Buddy wakes to me standing over him saying "please roll the fuck over. I can't sleep with you snoring and a dog peed on the carpet and...."

2:06AM: I burst into tears while Buddy calms me for 22 seconds before he starts snoring again.

2:07AM: I calculate how much it would cost to replace all the carpet in the house with tile/anything but carpet.

2:13-4:45AM: At some point, I fall asleep. Sort of.

2:30AM: I'm hungry.

4:45AM: The dogs start stirring and wake me up. I lay still so they won't think I'm getting up to feed them.

5:00AM: Buddy's alarm goes off and I have to get up, too. Any possible sleep potential is flushed down the toilet and I'm officially a zombie for the day.

5:15AM: Shower, slap makeup on, I think I wore clothes.

6:45AM: I grab a pumpkin spice chai latte in a desperate attempt to make myself feel slightly awake.

Yada yada yada, boring accounting stuff...

2:30PM: I reach the point of goofiness and I'm pretty sure my new boss thinks I'm an idiot. I book a $1.4M entry backwards with the world watching. Okay, not the world, but a lot of people. People with Maseratis and stay-at-home wives. I feel glad that one of the company mandated goals in 2014 is literally "do my job," because I feel like I can crush that most days and days like this will be a wash.

2:41PM: I find out you can rotate a PDF instead of tilting your head to the side or rotating the screen. Coworkers have a good laugh at my expense, despite the fact I brought them all Munchkins yesterday. Jerks.

2:45PM: Stay-Awake Geek Bopping

At some point, I drove home.

6:57PM: Bed time, is that you?

6:58PM: I'm bored with this post, but I already wrote it, and now you will ALL suffer!

Night, peeps :)

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