New Direction

I haven't blogged here in a while, not consistently at least. I haven't blogged anywhere, really (I have another blog, too). I miss it. My other blog, which I started when I was engaged to Buddy and became a chronicle of our wedding planning and life as newlyweds, doesn't really feel like home anymore. It started out so happy, and then infertility happened, and I came here to have a safe space to vent frustrations. I'm not either happy or sad all the time, and I still crave having a safe space, so this feels like the right place to stay. That said, infertility is not all I am. It's certainly a part of my life, but I have more to share than the bad stuff. So I want to make this place a spot where I talk about more of my life, but I can't deny that my view has been changed.

Thanks to Ginger, I feel a spark to get back into this, and I'll be starting to join in her link-up through her Bring Back the Words prompts.  I want to start talking more about my life in general, and not feeling like this place has to be so infertility-centric. I hope to make it a place where readers can get insights into me, and what life is like for me and Buddy after choosing childfree, all aspects included. I can't guarantee it'll be interesting, but there will certainly be more activity.

So, here goes. Why did I start blogging? Like I said, originally, I started my first blog to keep a record of our wedding planning, newlywed life, home buying, etc. My intention was that it would eventually become a family blog. It had room to grow. And then, it just... stopped growing. I felt like I had nothing left to say. I started this blog to have a space to talk about more private things, and to keep those private things off the radar from family and friends. This space connected me to other women dealing with the same things I was while providing me a little but of anonymity, especially when I felt a need to talk about people in my real life and my frustrations. Pretty plain and simple. It serves its purpose well. I tend to write when I'm emotionally driven to do so, and my new direction and vision for this space will hopefully get me back to where I started with my first blog 4 years ago.

I think the result of my activity on both of my blogs ties in to Ginger's second prompt: What's the best decision you've ever made? I've made a lot of good decisions in my life (leaving bad relationships, moving to Phoenix, marrying my husband, going to therapy when I felt I was being crushed by IF-induced sadness and uncertainty), but the decision to blog and open myself up to the world of the internet has brought me a lot of friendship and support. While I was blogging about wedding plans, I also ventured onto TheKnot.com's message boards. While some could argue that blogs and message boards are part of a virtual world of faceless strangers, they brought me friends I wouldn't have otherwise - people I talk to daily, in some cases. I gained new perspective, learned some etiquette I might have been an a-hole bride without, and gained friendships that continue to be meaningful and special to me. It's because of message boards that I even know our link-up hostess, Ginger (Brooke --> Temerity Jane --> Ginger, etc.), and a lot of my Twitter friends.

When I graduated from The Knot to The Bump when we started trying for a baby, I met even more people who became valued friends. The idea that I think we all had not long ago that the people in the internet aren't "real" or safe is gone for me. I have more friends there, it seems, than in real life. There's a bigger pool of people who have shared experienced than I have in my real-world social settings. I've traveled to meet and see people, been lifted up in support, and offered my help and knowledge to women all over the country. It's fascinating when I stop and think about it. Those relationships have been an invaluable part of my life. I'm thankful to be in an age where those barriers and taboos about meeting people online are quickly becoming a thing of the past. In many ways, I don't know what the last 3-4 years of my life would be like or where I would be emotionally if I hadn't started my first blog or ventured onto The Knot.